FOUR EXPRESSIONS THE WEB HAS OFFICIALLY RUINED

Article first published as Four Expressions The Web Has Officially Ruined on Technorati.

Confession time. I’m an English nerd. Maybe even a snob. I love language and I have fun with it. When I’m writing, sometimes I get so obsessed with finding the perfect word or sentence to describe my thought that the mere idea of creating a simple draft of something can take forever. I know. That’s counter-intuitive to the notion of the word “draft.” I’m a perfectionist. Sue me.

When I write, I frequently consult a thesaurus in an attempt to sound smarter while simultaneously thinking, “How can I obliterate the English language today?” Then, I find the prefect four syllable word and rejoice.

When I’m not writing, I take the time to study the language carefully so that I can appreciate it and hopefully become a better writer. My secret? I read a lot. I also listen to George Carlin’s “7 Words You Can Never Say On Television,” or “The Evolution of the F-Bomb” for inspiration. You know, educational stuff.

So it should come as no surprise that one of my biggest pet peeves involves words and expressions that are overused and misunderstood. English snobs like myself have long discussed the expressions and clichés that annoy us to no end, and thanks to social media and all things Web 2.0, that list is growing. Certain words have crept into our vocabulary and are being used ad nauseam. Consequently, I have been trying to hire a hit man to have these words shot and killed. Make it look like an accident if you have to; I’ll throw in an extra $1,000 if they suffer a little, but the following words and phrases need to die.

Here are my top four in ascending order.

Epic: I don’t know how this happened, but somehow a word that used to carry a lot of shock and awe suddenly became the go-to word for all things thought to be amazing and life changing. Suddenly, it seems like this is the only word people can find in their mind when they’re searching for a description of something presumably indescribable by any other word. “Dude. I saw The Social Network this weekend. It was epic.” You should see this sunburn I got. Epic. I bought this new phone. Epic. (Side note: Seriously, Sprint?) No. It wasn’t. None of that was epic. You want to know what was epic? Dinosaurs.

Fail/Major Fail: A close friend of “epic” and often found piggybacking off of it, as in “Epic fail.” Fail used to mean, “I failed my driver’s test,“ or “I failed my final exam.” These events had real consequences and you made every effort specifically to avoid failure at all costs. Now? It’s being thrown around so melodramatically as a slang term meant to express disbelief at some minor travesty. “Facebook went down again today? FAIL.” “I locked myself out of the house again! Major fail.” The only true failure here is that this word continues to be overused and has slowly begun losing its influence.

F@#$ My Life: There’s something about reading other people’s published misfortunes that can help put one’s own life in perspective. When the site launched in 2008 it was funny. Maybe even therapeutic. After two years? Not so much. What makes it worse are the people who append the phrase to every single perceived mishap in their daily lives. “I can’t believe I have to go into work on my day off! FML.” “I can’t believe my girlfriend broke up with me. FML” Maybe she broke up with you because you were constantly complaining about the world’s most mundane events and she wanted to give you a reality check. How about, TYG? Thank Your Girlfriend.

LOL & “K”: First it was AIM, then text messages. You’re texting with a friend who says something they think is funny. You text back, “LOL “ almost without even thinking about it. This creates two problems: 1. Odds are you weren’t really laughing at the joke anyway, so you’re lying. 2. Your friend still thinks their lame jokes are funny because you responded with positive reinforcement. Shame on you. You’re helping nobody here. Who’s laughing now?

Then there are those who affirm everything with the famous one-letter reply. What happened? Two letters became too much? Clearly that’s not it since there is that segment of the population that replies, “KK.” What the eff does that even mean? On top of that, I don’t need you running up my cell phone text message bill with single letter texts. K? Thx.

Before we officially bid these expressions a final farewell, let’s just get it out of our system right now with one last mega sentence. Leave your best shot in the comments below, along with other words and phrases I may have missed.

DOES MICROSOFT REALLY UNDERSTAND SMARTPHONE USERS?

Article first published as Does Microsoft Really Understand Smartphone Users? on Technorati

They go by many names: Smartphones, iPhones, Crackberries. Whatever you call them, our culture has become so reliant on these devices that many people feel almost naked without having them attached to their hip. Some users go as far as sleeping with them.

I wish I could prove to be the exception and not the rule but I am just as guilty of being addicted as the next guy. Hi, my name is Ryan and I’m an iPhone-a-holic.

Let me explain:

From the moment I wake up my iPhone is as much a part of my morning routine as anything else. More than an alarm, it enables me to catch up on morning news with the Sirius XM iPhone app and The Morning Briefing with Tim Farley on POTUS, or verify that the DC metro is on time before I leave the house. Then there are the discounts I get when I check in with Forsquare while I’m in line at Starbucks for my morning coffee. All of this is before I even reach the office.

I’m so dependent on my phone it makes me sick.

 That’s why I was so surprised when I woke up this morning to the TechCrunch story headline: “Microsoft Promises You Will Use Your Phone Less With Windows 7.”

 To borrow a line from Wayne’s World, "Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?”

With Windows Phone 7, despite an array of features promising to keep us connected to what we consider important Microsoft is actually hoping we’ll use our phones less? Yeah. That’ll happen.

Microsoft isn’t making any arguments about the phone’s ease of use or citing any particular rationale for why you would use their phone less as opposed to competition. Perhaps users may not want to use the phone as often. But that won’t help sales. The phone is feature packed and includes many of the staples we have come to expect from our smartphones, so unless ease of use is an issue, I wouldn’t count on users being so disciplined with their handsets.

The whole “less is more” mentality is great, so long as users don’t mistake Microsoft’s latest campaign with the notion that the device itself actually does less or performs inferior to the competition. That would be unfortunate and a disservice to what looks like a promising product.

With the phone slated for launch next month, Microsoft has stepped up its marketing efforts. The objective presumably is to convince many users (including those who currently use other smartphone platforms) that the Windows Phone 7 should be their phone of choice. That can only happen following an influx of early adopters who wield their influence convincing others that the phone is a major player worthy of consideration.

When early adopters invest in a piece of technology, they do so because they want to play with it. They don’t mind getting their hands dirty and dealing with the early glitches, kinks and the unknowns of what will happen. Early adopters will not be happy just keeping the phones in their pockets, and as far as Microsoft is concerned, that’s a good thing.

Microsoft’s website for the Windows Phone has a series of testimonials about the device. One such testimonial reads:

“It doesn’t take long to realize two things about Windows Phone. First, Microsoft gets it. Second, you’ll never go back.” –WinSupersite.com

That made me think. Does Microsoft get it? Or is their latest campaign a contradiction that demonstrates a lack of understanding of how these devices have shaped our lives?

Take a look at the commercial and decide for yourself.

ZUCKERBERG’S $100 MILLION DONATION ISN’T JUST ABOUT PR

Article first published as Zuckerberg’s $100 Million Donation Isn’t Just About PR on Technorati.

Less than 24 hours have passed since Forbes released its annual list of the 400 richest Americans, but that hasn’t stopped the flurry of web buzz over the finding that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has surpassed Steve Jobs in personal wealth.

At 26, Zuckerberg’s net worth is estimated at $6.9 billion, placing him at number 35 on the list. Compare that to Jobs whose $6.1 billion places him number 42. Clearly it’s a sign of the apocalypse. Start building shelters and stocking up on supplies. We have no time! On second thought, just relax.

Zuckerberg is the CEO people love to hate. He’s built one of the most successful companies in the world, changed the way we communicate, given us a platform that keeps us better connected and informed, and he isn’t charging us a dime. But hey, he’s young, wealthy, and if Hollywood’s depiction of him is to be believed, he’s also a close personal friend of the devil.

Even the recent announcement that he’s donating $100 million to help Newark public schools is being dismissed as nothing more than a perfectly timed publicity stunt that coincides with the release of The Social Network.

Maybe I’m naïve. Maybe it is just an attempt to polish his public image ahead of the release. Only he (and possibly his PR team) knows his motives.

Then again, maybe Zuckerberg is just a nice guy who, like the many who came before him, appreciates his obligation to give back to those less fortunate. That’s more than can be said of Jobs who’s not exactly known for his philanthropic nature. Maybe he should take a page from Zuckerberg on this one.

Would we be so quick to dismiss Zuckerberg’s philanthropy if he signed on to something with a little more star power? Something like, say, The Giving Pledge? Now that would have been a PR move.

Tying his name to something associated with Bill Gates and Warren Buffett (numbers one and two on the Forbes list respectively) would have certainly gained him more publicity. However, I don’t think his primary motive here was to soften his public image. I really don’t. I think, maybe he just cares. I know that’s a tough one for some people to swallow.

Honestly, can we cut him some slack? Maybe even, dare I say it, applaud him? I think Zuckerberg deserves some much-needed credit. The cynics can say all they want.

Just a thought. 

WHY THE TV NETWORKS NEED TO JUMP ON THE APPLE TV BANDWAGON

This article was first published on Technorati as “Why The TV Networks Need To Jump On The Apple TV Bandwagon.”

Earlier this month at the latest Apple Keynote, Steve Jobs unveiled the latest and greatest of all things Apple. By the end of the hour and a half presentation, there was much to talk about: The newly launched Game Center, a new lineup of iPods, a new iOS release, (two in fact), Apple’s venture into social networking, and Apple TV.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am an Apple Fanboy. Make of that what you will; I’ve been called worse things. Putting that aside for now, watching Jobs talk about Apple TV was really entertaining. I say “entertaining” for one reason. Remember back in June during Antennagate? No doubt Jobs is a visionary, but he has difficulty admitting when he is wrong. When news of the iPhone 4 “death grip” surfaced within hours of the release, the initial “solution” offered by Jobs was don’t hold it that way. (FYI not the world’s greatest PR move.) So when I saw him publicly talk about an Apple product that has not seen much success since its 2006 launch and admit its shortcomings openly and honestly, my mouth dropped a little. I guess that’s called growing up.  Baby steps, Steve. Baby steps.

Aside from its newer, more compact design, the big shift in Apple TV is that everything now has a lower price point, including the device itself. Once a $200 purchase, Apple has dropped it to $99. As for content? Gone are the days of renting TV shows for $2.99. The price now, 99¢ per episode. You can usually get a small discount purchasing a season pass for your favorite shows.

The only problem is that currently the only studios that have signed on with Apple are ABC and Fox. Other studios, including Warner Brothers believe that offering up content for 99¢ is too cheap and have refused to join Apple. Warner Brothers CEO Barry Meyer believes it would hurt Warner’s bottom line. When I saw that comment, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Let’s think about this a second. I realize we aren’t all there yet, but the way we watch (and pay for) content is changing. Many of us have stopped paying for content altogether in favor of online alternatives like Hulu, Surf The Channel, and Sidereel. All of them, by the way are free and without commercials. Thanks to these online options and being able to watch shows on my schedule, I have not only lost track of what nights my favorite shows air, but even the network that airs them.

So while I’m sure Warner Brothers, NBC, CBS and other major networks are crying over the potential for lost revenue if they offer their content on Apple TV for less, they’re certainly not doing themselves any favors by doing so. The fact that the rental model works at all with the existence of these alternatives is surprising, but it does so in part because these alternatives are less understood and potentially confusing to many users, a confusion that I believe will dissipate over time.

By all appearances, Fox and ABC are aware that the digital shift is happening. Rather than complaining about having to slash the cost of their content, they’re being smart. If nothing else, their agreement with Apple shows that they appreciate that segment of their audience still willing to pay for their content at all, if for no other reason than the simplicity of its delivery.

 “We think the rest of the studios will see the light and get on board pretty fast with us,” said Jobs at the Keynote.

 For their sake, I hope he’s right.

WHAT YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE SAYS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY

Article first published as What Your Facebook Profile Says About Your Personality on Technorati.

Six years ago, I was a freshman in college. Facebook had just launched, and at the time was a closed network restricted to an approved list of universities. Not wanting to be left out, I quickly began a small campaign persuading my classmates to e-mail the powers that be in Palo Alto demanding our university be included within the network. We’d be damned if we were left out of the coolest thing since beer pong. Within a month, we succeeded. Every encounter from then on with a new friend, or new crush ended with “Are you on Facebook?” And, the inevitable poke wars began. Oh, the simpler times.

Having just celebrated its sixth birthday, Facebook’s evolution is unmistakable. With over 500 million users, it reigns as the social network champion. Even if you’ve never joined the site, or now count yourself among the roughly 37,000 who have left the site in protest over privacy concerns, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t heard of Facebook.

And it has a lot of versatility and uses among its users. Everyone uses the site differently and to varying degrees. Some are extremely active, others less so. The way users utilize the social network can reveal a lot about them. Having spent the last six years on Facebook, my relationship with it has changed and evolved as well. I recently began classifying people into various personality groups based on how they participate on the site.  See if you can identify your Facebook personality or who in your circle falls in these categories.

The Voyeur:  The Voyeur likely has over 600+ friends, but yet their wall hasn’t been updated in months. Their profile shows minimal signs of life, and you can’t remember the last time you saw their name pop up in your news feed. They seem harmless, but beware they are watching your every move and taking notes.

The Stalker: Not to be missed, the Stalker is known for commenting on your Facebook status often within minutes of having posted it. You post a status update about your evening plans, and before you complete your breathe, that little red notification notifies you that he has commented on your status “a few seconds ago” asking if he can join the party. Think it’s just a coincidence? Sure, keep telling yourself that.

The Complainer: These folks hate their lives and use Facebook to make sure everyone knows it. “OMG. This headache won’t go away, and I still have four more hours at work. Lame. =(.” Listen, we all have bad days at work and work is an equal opportunity pain in the rear. Seriously, it’s called social networking, not social complaining. If it’s that bad that you resort to posting daily complaints, either quit your job, or get a therapist. Maybe both.

The Partier: The Partiers are usually the ones who have several pages of Facebook albums with obscure titles that only make sense to them. Many of the photos within these albums could prevent them from holding any position of higher office, get them fired from their job, or at the very least be extremely embarrassing if viewed by someone outside of that user’s friends’ list. The Partier is also the most frequent poster of status update countdowns. “VEGAS in FOUR DAYS! So PUMPED!

The Gamer: Perhaps the worst offender on this list, the Gamer clogs your newsfeed with requests to help with their Farmville quests or join their Online Mafia, or helping them feed their online aquarium. Newsflash: we don’t care. When these updates are the only thing that I see in my newsfeed, it’s likely a sign that our friendship is about to end.

The Vague-Booker: A term that has come to describe Facebook users who intentionally post vague status updates with the hope of eliciting a response. The term gained popularity in 2009 after finding its way into Urban Dictionary. I usually invoke a three strikes law here before defriending.

The Quote Guy: The Quote Guy uses his status update as an opportunity to broadcast his favorite quote of the moment and awaiting a response from his circle of friends. Usually something along the lines of “Haha. I love that movie/song.” The Quote Guy may also post quotes from famous authors and books in an attempt to prove his intellectual I.Q. My suggestion is to fight fire with fire, Google the quote, and reply back with something witty.

The Married Couple: These two tied the knot months ago and now take every opportunity to broadcast their married lives to their network. I really have nothing to say here. If you’re married and are going back and forth on your significant other’s wall with “I love you” posts, something is wrong.

What if you’ve read through this list and are thinking to yourself, “I don’t fit any of these descriptions?” Congratulations. You are most likely using Facebook with an eye on your etiquette, and with the aim of connecting with friends, sharing interesting information, without doing damage to your online reputation.  If only those we’ve identified above would take the hint.

Did I leave any key personalities off this list? What are some of the personalities you have come across that deserves to be called out for their behavior? I’d love to hear them.