SETH MACFARLANE: KING OF UNCOMFORTABLE.

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Tonight, for the first time in several years, I attempted to watch the Oscars. Unfortunately, 10 minutes into Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue, (and that’s being generous) I already regretted my decision. Still, because I can’t ever seem to walk away from a train wreck, I kept watching. Save for a few good moments, that’s 3 ½ hours of my life that I will never ever get back.

Mr. MacFarlane, you made the Oscars extremely uncomfortable to watch. Seriously, that was beyond painful. I suspect the Academy knew you were going to be a horrible host which is why they tried to beat all the journalists to the punch with that headline bit starring William Shatner, or as my dad so affectionately refers to him, “The Shat.” I ran across a blog that posted a drinking game. It said simply, “Take a shot every time Seth MacFarlane doesn’t make you laugh. Also, don’t do this. You will die.” Well, glad to know I wasn’t alone in my misery.

As Olivia pointed out to me tonight, where are Tina Fey and Amy Poehler when you need them? Daniel Day-Lewis even proved he would have been a more effective host and he was only on stage for three minutes.

Continuing a string of awkward moments: I’m not sure whose brilliant idea it was to suggest the theme to Jaws as the play off music – that wasn’t only mean and unoriginal – but totally wrong. I have no plans on ever winning an Oscar, (sorry, mom) but Olivia did promise me an award for not being Seth MacFarlane which I think is far more kick ass. Sufficed to say that if anyone ever used the theme to Jaws to play me off the stage, I would be beyond livid.

Other awkward moments included: 

1). A seemingly drunk (or high) Kristen Stewart

2) Robert DeNiro caught on camera falling asleep

3). Ben Affleck’s acceptance speech for Argo taking a not-so-subtle dig at the Academy by saying that, “It’s hard, but you can’t hold grudges,“ detailing what has led to much of his success in Hollywood since winning his first Oscar for Goodwill hunting in 1998.

As someone who is a big fan of cinema, it’s a sad thing for me to admit that the Academy has become something to parody as of late.

All I can say is, next year, anybody would be better than Seth MacFarlane. Anybody.

THE COMICAL, THE BIZARRE, AND THE SENILE: THE GOP CONVENTION STARRING CLINT EASTWOOD

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All week long, watching the RNC provided no shortage of entertainment. I watched it gleefully expecting as much. Last night however, was perfection. Wine+Clint Eastwood+wooden chair - Barack Obama. Yup. Truly, My Chateau. 

More on that in a minute.

Short of the upcoming general election which I’m certain will be hilariously terrifying to watch unfold, I think the RNC gave much of America, or at least those of us with a sense of humor, a good laugh. 

Ann Romney appealing to middle class women by pretending to understand their struggles? Oh, look over there, is that her dressage horse competing in the Olympics? There’s also standard issue Romney freely admitting during one of the earlier Republican debates late last year that he never grew up poor. Which of course explained his lackadaisical $10,000 bet with then-rival Rick Perry. He can feel free to flip-flop on that one though and nobody will blink. No doubt about it, the Romneys understand the middle class.

There was Wednesday night and VP candidate Paul Ryan who, when you strip away his P90X body, well there just isn’t that much left. From his misleading statements on Obamacare, to the S&P credit rating downgrade and the debt commission, which Ryan conveniently neglected to mention he was not only a part of, but even voted against.

I expected the most comically absurd moments from the convention would be credited to Romney himself. I was wrong.

Billed as a “mystery speaker” in the hours leading up to his endorsement speech of the GOP candidate, the pinnacle of insanity instead went to writer-director Clint Eastwood, whose performance last night was memorable for all the wrong reasons. The disastrous speech quickly became an Internet meme spawning various spinoffs, like this one, and a new verb, “Eastwooding.” As Comedy Central’s Indecision 2012 Twitter feed pointed out, “That empty chair was less wooden than Mitt Romney.” So they have that going for them, that’s a plus.

In case you haven’t yet seen this gem

Now, I don’t know. That may have done Mitt Romney more harm than good in the long run. Though if you ask him, he enjoyed it. I guess the question on everybody’s mind is; Do you feel lucky, Mitt? Well, do ya?

Can’t wait to see how the DNC and Joe Biden top this.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES SHOOTING IN AURORA, COLORADO

This morning, I awoke to news of the shootings that took place in Aurora, Colorado at the midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises. 

The gunmen, identified as 24-year-old James Holmes, a former PhD student at last count injured 58 people and killed 12. The more we learn from listening to news anchors, reporters, and press conferences held by local police, the more bizarre the events of the day become. Local authorities and bomb squad experts are currently at his apartment contemplating how they will disarm a series of explosives, and other “incendiary devices” noting that doing so could take days.

Understandably today’s event is a senseless tragedy. What shocks me even more, however, is that it is being publicized for political gain simply because it is an election year.

At approximately 10:45 A.M. Eastern time, President Obama made his first public remarks on the incident during what was originally billed as a campaign stop in Tampa, Florida.

 He made two statements that I find particularly troubling.

“We are still gathering all the facts about what happened in Aurora. What we do know is that the police have one suspect in custody, and the federal government stands ready to do whatever is necessary to bring whoever is responsible for this heinous crime to justice.” 

I’m not entirely sure what about this incident facilitates the involvement of the FBI and the federal government on any level. Law enforcement have said they believe Holmes acted alone and they do not believe this to be an incident connected to any terrorist organization.

President Obama goes on to say:

“I’m sure that many of you who are parents here had the same reaction that I did when I heard this news. My daughters go to the movies. What if Malia and Sasha had been at the theater? As so many of our kids do everyday. Michelle and I will be fortunate enough to hug our girls a little tighter tonight, and I am sure you will do the same with your children.”

I take issue with this statement for several reasons, not the least of which is that it is extremely disconnected from reality. Let’s examine just how many things are wrong with that statement.

1). The White House has its own movie theater and receives movies often ahead of their public release.

2). If the First Family were in a public movie theater, the place would be secured and cleared out entirely.

3). The First Family gets a well trained security detail.

Not exactly the same thing.

Watch the president’s full remarks here.

It’s a sad day in this country when the possibility of having to go through a metal detector to attend a two-hour movie becomes a frighteningly real possibility.

HISTORY MADE: SCOTUS UPHOLDS OBAMACARE

I was taught never to bury the lead. So without further ado:

And now; Romney’s reaction.

Watching this unfold internally was amazing.

SCOTUSblog was really the first to break the news correctly. The biggest decision since Bush V. Gore, and similarly, major news networks (I’m looking at you CNN, and FOX news) jumped the gun. Let Roberts read past the first page of the opinion before displaying misinformation as breaking news. 

Perhaps nobody had more fun reporting on the day’s chaos than The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart.

Chief Justice Roberts the swing vote? Nobody saw that one coming. Romney is regretting his pledge to nominate justices “in the mold” of John Roberts right now. Conservatives are in such disbelief over the supposed betrayal there’s already a movement calling for his impeachment. 

If today doesn’t provide you with a stark enough contrast for who you want leading our country come November, nothing will. 

TBTL RESPONDS TO MY LETTER ON EPISODE #1056

So the other day when I wrote my open letter to Luke Burbank about Neil Hamburger, I received a very comical and sobering reply about the reality of his persona. Today on Episode #1056 “Secrets Revealed”, Luke read the e-mail on air and was kind enough not to call me out by name. I was more surprised than anything else that he chose to read it. But I can tell you that I thank him and Andrew for being so good-natured about the whole thing. Thank you, Luke and Andrew for giving me my moment of TBTL immortality.

FACEBOOK FACIAL RECOGNITION FEATURE CREATES UPROAR, REIGNITES PRIVACY DEBATE

Article first published as Facebook Facial Recognition Feature Creates Uproar, Reignites Privacy Debate on Technorati.

In his 1983 standup special Himself, comedic legend Bill Cosby talks about children and his belief that all of them must suffer from brain damage. “If you know you’re not supposed to do something and then you do it and people say, ‘Why did you do it?’ And you say, 'I don’t know’ [that’s] brain damage,” says Cosby.

Today, we discover yet another child with apparent brain damage; Facebook. The seven-year-old social network finds itself in the midst of yet another privacy debate, this time over its worldwide roll-out of facial recognition technologies with users’ Facebook photos.

The new feature, which has been available in the United States since December, allows users to upload photos to their accounts and have the site make suggestions for whom among a user’s friends should be tagged based on other photos currently on the site. As with all new features introduced by Facebook, it’s automatically turned on in users’ privacy settings and requires users to manually opt-out if desired.

Cue the upheaval.

As Geoffrey Fowler points out in today’s Wallstreet Journal, the technology reignites a longstanding debate among privacy advocates who argue that new features like this one should be opt-in and require user consent before being activated, not the other way around.

“Our concern, as usual, is that Facebook is making changes to its privacy and creating new features without giving people sufficient notice and giving them a choice as to whether they want to participate,” said Chris Conley, of the American Civil Liberties Union of Northern California.  

Representative Edward J. Markey (D-MA) agreed. In a statement posted to his website Wednesday, Markey wrote:

“If this new feature is as useful as Facebook claims, it should be able to stand on its own, without an automatic sign-up that changes users’ privacy settings without their permission.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zukerberg has historically defended such practices arguing that requiring users to opt-in to each new feature would diminish their Facebook experience. In a statement released today on their blog, the company admitted they should have been more clear explaining the feature to users in an effort to avoid confusion and that they are working to “satisfy concerns” brought forward by lawmakers and privacy advocates. The statement also touts the feature as a time saver for the more than 100 million photos tagged by Facebook users on a daily basis.

While Facebook spokesman Andrew Noyes contends that the company has received “almost no user complaints” about the facial recognition feature, he mistakenly equates that lack of complaint with the belief that “people are enjoying the feature and finding it useful.” How can someone be expected to complain about something when they aren’t even aware of its existence? Making users aware of new features and their implications after they’ve gone live should be one of Facebook’s top priorities. Consider it one of my top suggestions to improve Facebook.

Instructions for disabling the facial recognition feature can be found here.

Anyone seen any tagged photos on Facebook of Rep. Anthony Weiner?