Book cover of "Dateable: Swiping Right, Hooking Up, and Settling Down While Chronically Ill and Disabled" by Jessica Slice and Caroline Cupp. The background features a gradient of pastel colors including yellow, blue, and green. The title is in bold yellow text, with the subtitle and authors' names in smaller white and green text respectively.
Today, I am reflecting on the incredible opportunity to be featured in the transformative book, "Dateable" by Jessica Slice and Caroline Cupp. This book is a definitive primer on dating with a disability, and I couldn't be more grateful for the chance to contribute to this important text.
Representation in media and literature is crucial for people with disabilities. "Dateable" fills a significant gap by addressing the unique challenges and triumphs we face in the dating world. The book tackles the lack of representation and role models that can prevent us from seeing ourselves as desirable, romantic, and dateable. As the authors poignantly state, "There are huge numbers of disabled people dating, hooking up, and marrying. But if we don’t see that playing out on-screen, especially if we operate in actual communities made up of predominantly nondisabled people, it can feel like we’re the only ones on earth trying to figure this out."
One of the key themes in "Dateable" is the struggle against internalized ableism and the complicated questions around disclosing one's disability in the context of dating. The book explores the trauma of dating apps, the biases they perpetuate, and the often painful interactions that come with them. The chapter "S*?! (AHEM, STUFF) PEOPLE SAY" features my own story, an anecdote encapsulating the absurdity and the humor that often accompany dating with a disability. The book uses humor to address serious topics, making them more accessible and relatable. I often speak about my medical history and experiences, but having one of my favorite stories immortalized in print, with its perfect mix of humor and reality, is truly special.
"Dateable" provides a platform to advocate for disability rights and awareness. The book doesn't shy away from difficult topics like the fetishization of disability, the need for open communication and consent, and the challenges of navigating sex and relationships with various disabilities. It shines a light on the broader societal changes needed to foster a more inclusive understanding of dating with a disability.
"Dateable" is the book I wish I had when I was younger, coming to terms with my body, its limitations, and what it would mean for my life in the dating space. It’s a book that every disabled person should read, regardless of where they are in their dating journey. It reminds us that our disability makes us just as human, dateable, and desirable as anyone else. Our dating lives may be more complicated, but we deserve to be represented, talked about, and yes, sexualized. We date, we love, we break up, we struggle just like everybody else, and this book puts all of that front and center unapologetically.
Thank you, Jessica and Caroline, for putting this book into the world. It was so needed and could not have come at a more perfect time.